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what do you wanna know ?
my name is kristina doan , and i'm living the single life at this point in time . i'm 15 years of age and attending YMCI currently enrolled in 9th GRADE . i'm living in the beautiful city of toronto . i'm currently focused on school and friends right now .. peace ! xoxo
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MAR2810
i haven't blogged for a longgg time now . i have alot of things on my mind so i decided to write it all down . during these past months i've lost friends , gotten into beeftingz and lost a boyfriend which was my ex .. ?! confusing ? tell me about it .. honestly right now , i'm confused and i'm hurt . i don't really know what to do . sorry if i sound all EMO and shiz but yeah . i hate to say it , but he broke my heart yet AGAIN . seriously , the millionth time i swear . s'all good though , i'll get over him eventually . it just frustrates the shit outta me because everytime we break up , i'm all sad and it takes me soo long to get over him . when i finally do , he comes right back . i don't think this time he'll come back , but in either case if he does or not , i'm fed up and i'm done . i've said it so many times before trust me .. it's like a cycle . we break up , we get back together , it's going great , it starts to die down , he gets bored , it's over .. OH WAIT ! i love her again , i miss her , i want her back .. seriously , boys don't know what i want and speaking as a girl , boys are fucking stupid . word ? true say . so i threw his gigantic ass teddy bear down my balcony last night .. eversince the breakup i was sad , then angry , then evillllllll , now i'm all sad again . like wdf man .. fuck my life atm .
DEC1209
holy shits , i forgot about my blog . rofl :( so my life has gone back on track . i know i ranted about my ex ............. (as you can see from the previous entries) HOWEVER , we're good now . thing is , lately more has come up due to our .. relationship being back on . LOL , *sigh .. whatever . :/ i live my life , they live theirs . my boyfriend is in vietnam right now .. i miss him . i didn't think i would to be honest :( LOL , i have things to do , places to go , but instead i wanna stay home .. wait til he calls .. just one phone call , oh god . :@ i'm sounding kinda desperate .. okay , um .. i'ma just have a day to myself for once . :D I NEVER HAVE THAT , Y'KNOW ?! :O i booked that i'm either with my girl , my boyfriend or the boys =.= .. yaaaaaaaaa , i'ma dye my hair .. BLACK ! AWW YEE . if it turns out ugly , i will commit suicide , i lied ;) . so um i used to take candies .. yummmmm ! i stopped now i'm getting introduced to it again .. omggggggg :( temptation is so hard to resist , but i'll do it still . by new years i have to quit smoking or else !! :@ or else nothing but still , with age it'll become something . (A)
OCT1709
i feel kinda used after he just got what 'he' wanted & then he cut . word that's mega ultra super gay :@ . rofl , i'm mad gay for saying that . aw wells . last night i broke down infront of my mom though , and although she was mad - after i broke down , she went quiet . i guess shocked ? well last night some guy asked me to come out to chill , he forced me to chill . i was heading home til my mom booked me with him :( . she was bitching and all , then she started crying . i guess she was too disappointed . she asked why do you always go out to chill ? watch one day when you're gonna be 16 and pregnant . my moms just like other people , thinking i won't go anywhere in life . whatever , soft cause i will . although i may not be the smartest person in the world , i can get somewhere . although i'm mad fucking lazy to go to school , i still go .. i don't do that much work , that's it . :) anyways , i replied to her question like , " i won't get pregnant , cause i'm not getting another fucking boyfriend . " then she brings up jn's name , how he was better than the guy i was with in the elevator , whatever . so i said , " you don't fucking know him like i do , stop bringing up his name , can you please just stop ?! " she was overwhelmed by my reaction i guess .. i broke down after that . i told her that my life isn't easy either . " ya you got bills to pay , children to feed , but people don't talk shit bout you , your heart didn't get broken . you're still with daddy . you're actually fucking lucky . i only go out to get my mind off things , is that so wrong ? " she replied with , " no it's not wrong .. but if you still have jn on your mind , what's the point of going out ? i know you fake a smile , i seen it that day at the park where you found out he was checking with someone . i seen you pretend to fake a smile . i seen you pretend to play joyfully . i know it was fake . " i continued crying , she comforted me .. she's nice after all . after all that , i was talking to 4 boys on the phone , 4 minus 1 = 3 . 3 boys in that convo i love off (L) . ahaha , not LOOOOOVE i wanna be with them love . family like love . :) anywhos , yesterday i needed to talk to my brother , but jn wouldn't let me .. ? he purposely didn't reply to my text message and purposely went offline on fb so i couldn't message him . fucking dickface :@ when i see him , i will fucking cuss at him . fucking bitch !! anyways , i'm seeing my brother today anyways , i'll tell him whatever i needed to then . :)
OCT609
after all that's happened nothing really changed . i don't know how i feel these days . everything is so mixed up . a friend turned out to be a bitch & snitch . a boy i thought was real turned out fake . a thug turned out to be just a thug . everyone who i thought was tight drifted . what the fuck happened ? 2 years ago everything was fine , aha . honestly havin' beef on your own block is so stupid . so i see SV as pretty much my brother although he doesn't like me saying that .. idk . i dropped 10 dollars for him today cause' i care alot . GP made me cry by saying all this shit bout how everythings' changed . does it look like i wanted to change myself too ? na . i missed that bubbly happy girl back in grade 7 . i still remember that was my best year ever . when no drama occurred , and everything was cool . i had no heartaches , heartbreaks . i had no beef , no stress . i had only fun . i miss what i had , and regret what i lost . i honestly don't want to be a 'bitch' cause in a way i certainly am . i was always outspoken , but now i'm not happy anymore . i paint on a smile , but sometimes my tears wash it away ykno ? lol . oh ye , i finished a poem 'Whisper Our Love Song One Last Time' . i guess i wrote it to him .. every word was sincere .
SEPT3009
why would did you ever leave me in the first place ? maybe .. perhaps you couldn't take no more .. i've lied to others includin' myself sayin' i'm over you . i thought it was us against the world . aha , so silly of me to think it was always & forever . i still think of you to be honest & to be honest i still have feelings . whenever you say you still love me , i wanna ask ' well then why are you with her ? why aren't you with me .. ' but then i know i can't do that , we can't be together anymore .. i love you much - i have to let you go , but i can't seem to move on . around you , i put on a smile and front like i see you as my friend , like you're my boy .. when we were on the phone last night , memories of us came back to me .. why did you leave me .. ? i still love you , i really do . you were my first love & truly my first love lost . no matter who you get , i know no one can replace me because no other girl can love you as much as i did , endure as much as i did .. went through everything we went through together .. don't you know that we went through so much together ? i can never erase you from my life but i try so hard .. so fuckin' hard . i'll admit i can never love another like the way i loved you . i can never treat another like the way i treated you . i know i'm still young & i'll still be able to find another , but trust , no other like you . you knew how to treat me right & all .. you know me so well . i'd rather have you & fuck the rest .. i know we can never be again , & it hurts so much that we ended . it hurts even more to know that you still love me but we can never be .. & you're with her . i don't wanna sound selfish , but i want you to be happy , i do & if she makes you happy , i'm happy for you . it's just you don't understand .. i'm like a soldier right here - i'm hurt but i'ma keep trying to fight for my own happiness . why is it so many guys come in & out of my life but no one can love me like the way you did ? " til the day i die " was our song & i thought it was the truth .. when you said you still loved me - i wanted to say it back to you , i swear but i choked . i said i love you too , but then halfway i had to just say " as friends " because i didn't want to tell you how i still felt .. just know that i won't love another & i wouldn't force myself to love another either . i still love you , baby . the way i see you won't ever change . i'll still be down for you - the downest chick & the realest you'll ever have . like i said before , no matter what happens , no matter if we break up , i'll always have you .. i always will i swear . my love for you won't ever stop & the memories won't ever fade .. if only you knew right ? but you won't ever .. never .
SEPT2709
ka last night i was upset :@ but s'all good .. i was talkin' to my gbro & i guess he made me feel better :) . today was such a mix-up day ? aha , so me & the guys went to yd to watch a movie but some sneaked in . guess what ? we got booked :(:(:( . so the guys went somewhere else , while i waited for 3 more guys .. LOL . me & 'thing' are on better terms now i guess . i forgive , but don't forget . still , he's taught me alot & since i chill with him alot now , i gotta take it in & put on a smile although deep down , i hate him for fucking me over .. i'm planning to stop skipping .. but someone asked me to skip tmr .. WHY !!! :@:@ im trying so hard to be a good girl , but i'm tempted to just chill .. i think i deserve to chill out though , since i've gone through a rough week ? hehe (A)
SEPT2609
i wanna pretend i'm okay with him being in my life but i'm not . for the time being & til for as long as i'm around him , i won't know him . we'll no longer be friends . i feel like he used me just for fun . it was only a game & i didn't let him win but why did i feel like i lost ? cause' i guess i fell for it for a little . if we had gone all the way , what would i have gotten in the end ? still nothin' . so why'd he come back for ? pleasure ? aha .. i'm not a god damn fuckin' easy pussy , y'dig ? we'll go our separate ways for good & there's no glancing back , turning back or anything & i promise . i swear to god , he was the lowest that i've met . oh geez , i'm not being harsh but how low can you get to fake love , just to fuck ? kaka , if he's still feelin' me , still not able to 'get me out of his mind' then alright , i don't care cause he's out of my life .
SEPT2509
movin' forward & not turnin' back is how it should be but once in a while i tend to glance back & look at him . it doesn't mean i'll take a step back , it was just a glance . i'd still wonder what 'could've' been , but then again - i'm good at where i'm at right now . like a light bulb ; if you keep flickin' it on & off , the bulb will eventually die , na ? if it was meant to be , it would be so . let go of the past & embrace what's ahead of you . i discovered i grew up a little today .. i moved forward , not backwards . i wouldn't say it was an easy block to overcome but i did it . oh & when the question , " what happened to forever & always " came up .. truth is it wasn't a lie cause' i'm still down for him , still the downest chick & no matter what happens , i still got him . " he's still my boy " ..
SEPT2409
for once in a long time , he was actually right . " you can never stop loving someone , you can only learn to live without them " & he knew it didn't & won't work out so he said that .. he's showing maturity again . he should be glad i'm still his friend , cause' i'm glad he's still mine . no he shouldn't get upset if i flirt or not because it was his decision to get up & leave . once he left , he had a chance to come back .. he didn't .. so i closed the door & i guess i moved on .. life goes on right ? :)
SEPT2309
ka , i think i gotta stop smokin' real talks .. i always say i'm quit but i'm addicted :@ . so summer ended eh ? LOL , this summer i lost alot , gained alot . although , i wish alot of events never happened but whatever . eversince school started i've been skippin' alot .. i need to catch up , i can't fail grade 9 .. :(:(:( - i said that yesterday & i skipped again today FML . i'll do better in school this year i swear .. last year i skipped everydaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay , not lyin' . i got alot of my mind lately , too much to say .. :$
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